A letter to Jon Snow.


Dear Jon,

I was rather pleased to read of your untimely demise in ‘A Dance with Dragons’. Now, rumours suggest that you’ll be resurrected from the dead. The whole fandom seems to be overjoyed at this news. So I’d like to explore the reasons behind your universal popularity.

You are the mediaeval version of Holden Caulfield. When I read the first chapter from your point of view, I thought I’d end up rooting for you. Like Tyrion, I have a soft spot for the underdog. But then you turned out to be increasingly whiny and annoying like the popular protagonist of ‘Catcher in the Rye’. (Personally, I always felt like bitchslapping Holden to shut him up.)

You’re utterly lacking in interests or ambition. You are like a breath of fresh air in  a series full of people who want things desperately. Daenerys wants the Iron Throne, Arya wants revenge, Sansa wants love, Petyr wants power, and so on.  You, on the other hand,  are happy to drift about following orders and giving in to the circumstances. It wasn’t your idea to get into a relationship with Ygritte or become the Commander of the Night’s Watch. Things just seem to happen to you by accident.

You don’t have a personality that overshadows those around you. You are not a fiery idealist like Daenerys, witty like Tyrion, mysterious like Petyr or quietly confident like Tywin. You’re like a shell into which readers can  project their own traits and feelings. Sansa has a similarly bland personality, but thankfully, she’s usually surrounded by interesting characters.

You have a pretty face. There may be people who think that you look like a gormless twit or a fish out of water, but they’re probably just jealous. After all, you’re prettier than all of them (and their daughters).

There are interesting rumours about you. The only thing I find interesting about you is the rumour concerning your parentage. I suppose GRRM couldn’t let you die without finding out who your parents were.

As far as the other rumours go, I’m quite certain that you’re not Azor Ahai, because Daenerys has already fulfilled most of the prophecy. I’d like to see Daenerys turn up in Westeros to laugh at Melisandre’s presumption in claiming that title for you and Stannis.

By the way, the ‘Battle of Hardhome’ was the most painfully boring fight sequence I’ve seen on TV. I hope your new, improved version will be a little less dull, my dear.

Looking forward to your return from the dead,

Cattily yours,

A girl who was bored to tears by your chapters.

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3 thoughts on “A letter to Jon Snow.

  1. We’ll have to agree to disagree on Jon, but I enjoyed reading your letter to the bastard of Winterfell.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t understand how the namesake of the books is boring. It is Jon Snow who sings the song of ice and fire as a Stark and a Targareyn, he is part of the 3-headed dragon.
    You cray.

    Like

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